Thoughts

Inimical

my actions, inimical to the well being and survival of my heart. 
but my mind, my mind 

b
l
i
n
d
l
y

tells me to forge on, ignoring the rhythmic warnings of my heart.
which is, what always gets me into trouble.
ignoring my heart and the morse code of warning it beats out to me, messages meant for my mind. 
but my mind, my mind, 
is stalwart to its mission. 
it knows best.
for its very nature is to know things after all.
(so it tells me)
heart will catch up
it says.
it says a lot of things, my mind.

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A Passing Scene

A Passing Scene

he was towheaded, face abloom with freckles that i could see even through my windshield as i pulled onto the street. he was crawling up out of the ditch to the head of a little miniature play car he was driving around the yard.

he couldn't have been more than five. 

as he turned towards the sound of my car, eyes alert and inquisitive, he waved. 
rotating his open palm from the wrist, fingers straight and insistent in their communicated greeting. the learned and carefully practiced wave of adolescence. 
the suddenness of his reaction to greet me was more instantaneous than i expected. it was almost as if there was a familiarity in his turning toward me, as if he knew me and had been expecting my arrival.

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I Have Enough Time I Have Enough Space

i wrote the post below one week ago, and meant to post it then but didn't have internet again until now. 
i am home now, from the below mentioned travels, and i find myself even more in need of the mantra at the bottom of this post than i was this time a week ago.

two weeks of concentrated travels and time spent with people and new experiences was a lot for me. i loved and reveled in every second of it, but now, settling back home i'm experiencing one hell of a come-down and withdrawal in a weirdly backwards and unexpected way. 
as someone who is used to and thrives in being alone more often than not, i've been disoriented by my lack of desire for it after this trip. however there's so much i have to process and understand from both New Orleans and Atlanta that i'm only able to do by myself. a lot of wonderful things happened while i was away, especially in the way of eye opening conversations with people. there were a LOT of those. perhaps my feeling of overwhelm with that aspect especially is due in part to me being such a words person, but i also think there was some heightened level of importance in many of the things discussed with both new and old friends these last few weeks.

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To Keep Trying

i have been away from this space for quite some time.
it wasn't intentional at first.
but with each passing day, week, and then proceeding month(s), it felt harder and harder to be back here.
i am in a place of transition.
i've said that to a lot of people lately. 
but i don't really feel that it aptly reflects my true state. a transition implies that you know where you are going, you have a direction you are headed, something you are working towards, you are moving from this to that.

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