A Girl Named Leney

THE JOURNAL

I Wrote Today

shot with ektar 100 35mm film on almost-exactly-this day last year

shot with ektar 100 35mm film on almost-exactly-this day last year

i wrote today.
properly sat down and wrote.
sheepskin in lap, strong black coffee in reach.
long rushing, flowing paragraphs of tangled, jumbled vine-y thoughts, which became a little less entwined once translated into little orderly black characters of text.
and how good it felt.
i write on my phone a lot.
in my notes. in instagram captions. in far-reaching-grasping texts to loved ones.
however there is a lack of freedom sometimes in those outlets.
sometimes i just need to sit and let thoughts flow from my fingers in the way that writers always talk about is so cathartic for them. 
and too, the smallness of the phone’s keyboard and screen almost limits my language in comparison to the computers 10x larger one.

the tangibility of more space for translating thoughts lends to the extension of them.
(i know it isn’t really that way, but it feels so)

i do love writing by hand, and do that frequently too for i love the feel of paper, but for extended periods (no pun intended) of time i find it limiting. 
for my handwritten scrawl becomes less legible and hard to keep up with in regards to the speed of my fast cycling thoughts.
and while i have long strengthened muscles in my hands from knitting, using a different instrument, in the way of a pen, seems to produce cramps and aches where knitting needles do not. 
so i suppose i am not as good and frequenting that practice as i should be. 

i’ve been working on a story. 
one more so of documentation than fiction. 
though, knowing my tendency of over romanticization, there is, i am sure, a touch of fantasy and dreamed-up-ness intertwined.
it is a telling of a journey. 
of situations of mystery and unknown. 
terribly thrilling yet terrifying, though not singly so. 
there’s also feelings of wonder and joy and anticipation here in this too.
but it feels good.
good in that centering this-is-right way.


the above are words i wrote at the beginning of the month that i never shared, but coming across them again today i found them very much mirroring the state i am in today (something i seem to be doing a lot of lately, looking back on old writing... perhaps because i'm in such a state of figuring-out this season and revisiting old thoughts is helping me do that).
so i finally decided to publish them.

i'm trying to be better at publishing things as i write them, not letting them sit for so long before i share them.
though there are things that do need a little more time to pass before doing so, most of the time i feel my hesitency is out of fear of vulnerabilty.
so here's to fighting that in the future.
and here's to writing today.