My RVA: In Autumn

October 30, 2014

"Autumn... the year's last, loveliest smile."

| William Cullen Bryant

Image by Siobhan Watts

There is a wilderness inside of me.
This space is the documentation of my humble attempt at it's navigation.
Sometimes through words.
Sometimes through images.

An almost full moon hangs low and sweeps the tall dry grasses with its light.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The howl of the distant highway is the closest thing to a wolfs lonesome serenade here.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The ribbon of blacktop that unrolls East disappeared on the horizon as soon as the moon awoke and I too am disappearing into the night. Swallowed by the attention of the unwarranted and unwanted.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
To be present despite such a lack of accountability for independent self is an ever waxing game.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But my lids are heavy now and I can no longer stay up in anticipation for you.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
—————●—————

Last day of the Pendleton Round-Up!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This week has been one hell of a wild whirlwind but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than documenting these amazing individuals who are full of heart and fire.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Let ‘er Buck
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#cowboylifestyle
#pendletonroundup2019
#longlivecowboys
#pendeltonoregon
#leterbuck
#raisinghell
#bullfightersonly
#saddlebronc
#bullfighterssavelives
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

◍ ◍ Behind the scenes ◍ ◍
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Let ‘er buck
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#pendletonroundup

Photographing and hangin out with cowboys and cowgirls all week at @pendletonroundup_hc!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Gettin ready for things to get rowdy.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
These images are from a cattle drive and branding I had the pleasure of documenting over the summer.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s without question that the modern day cowboys of the Wild West are some of the hardest working men I’ve ever met.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s a way of life that holds a lot of hardness in it to be sure, but also an element of beauty in the continuous strength of these men who work long hours and ride long distances day after day. Romanticized by many, but only truly embodied and loved out by a select few.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Talk about the definition of true grit.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#leterbuck
#cowboylifestyle
#cowboyjournalism
#longlivecowboys

He crossed the entire country to see me.
From East Coast to West.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Having my immediate family’s support in my various pursuits with my life on The Road means the world to me.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’d been over eight months since I’d seen my Dad, so getting to spend time with him for a few days last week was like a balm for my soul. I am not someone who is running away from the places I’m from or who never intends to return. My life on the go is fueled by other fires.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
There’s no doubt about it: Home is where my people are.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Which has become one of the hardest aspects of my life. Having two loves that pull me in different directions—My affair with The Road and my adoration for my friends and family in Virginia. I wish I could have both at once but that’s not usually feasible.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
However, the rare times that they can intersect are the sweetest mile markers in the journey.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Also, yes, that’s a tandem bicycle.
Because when my Dad and I hang out we are the *coolest* people you’ll ever come across. Flasks and ramen noodles are also subject to being involved...)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#daughterofasailor
#lifeontheroad

grass clippings are hitchhiking on the bottoms of my feet as i cross the lawn and i have the milky dew of the figs i just picked dripping down my fingers.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
the sun reaches my skin through the cotton shirt i’m wearing. because i’m moving, and because it’s early in the day, its rays aren’t yet powerful enough to make my skin dewy like that of the figs. but you can tell, even this early, that it’s only a matter of time before the heat will be labeled oppressive.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
the crate myrtle is in bloom and the river is shushing by as it always does. i have to pause for a moment to remember what day it is. “...Wednesday” i think to myself “it’s Wednesday...”
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
the half moon brick steps lead me up into the house and i make a half hearted attempt to leave the grass clippings outside, though i am sure some end up trailing behind me on the well worn carpet.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
i select a knife from the chopping block in the kitchen and hesitate for a brief moment at its odd shape, only mildly considering that it’s probably not the right knife for this specific job.
no matter— it’s sharp.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and now ribbed moss is imprinted onto the backs of my thighs as a sit with a plate in the center of my crossed legs
and i eat the slices of rose colored fruit off of my lap.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
———
Writing from August 2018
35mm film from August 2017
And I am here now, in August 2019, reminiscing about it all.

The shake-rattle-roll of the winding highway pulls me ever onward but the moments of stillness give me just as much life as the moments of motion.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Perhaps because it is a balance.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I feel very much split down the middle in that way.
The one part of me that craves variety and new places has a partner right next to it tugging at its shirt sleeve and asking it to sit down and rest for a while.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Finding that balance has been the ongoing journey of my life it seems.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Knowing when to stay.
Knowing when to go.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m not sure I’m any better at it now than I was before I set out on this particular venture but I do think I’m developing a deeper connection to myself and knowing what I need when.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And today it was a $2.50 PBR on draft (because I am and will always be an #RVA girl) and reading my book alone in the sun.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What is your way of finding balance between stillness and motion?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
—————●—————

Sometimes there aren’t words for the things you feel.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I woke up in a funk and have been trying to pull myself out of it all morning.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My tendency when I’m like this is to retreat, hole up inside of myself and try to work it out. To share the good, not the bad, so as to refocus my mind on the positive and not meditate on the negative.
To be vulnerable about forward thinking things, and not stationary or past one’s.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But something today told me to just be real about it and share it with you guys.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Instagram is a highlight reel—we all know this. *insert eye roll here*
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But in that peeling-back-the-filter vein I just wanted to say hey, you know what, I’m having a funky day and it’s okay if you are too.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m stressed about some things.
I’m letting my head get ahead of my circumstances and what needs to be taken care of now.
I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing sometimes.
I’m a little sleep deprived and I haven’t been exercising or eating all that great.
(Therein lies half of the problem for today’s mood I’m sure... Someone get me some kale...)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I know it looks like I’m living a dreamy existence and to some extent I am. Because I choose to see it that way. But just like Alexander, I have terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad days too.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Here’s an unfiltered blurry photo that-I-should-not-have-been-taking-while-driving from last week’s full moon at dawn over the Rogue River.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
—————●—————

Why vintage?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I know vintage clothing might not be your thing. Which is one of the reasons I started a separate instagram account for it— @folkling.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But to tell you the truth it’s hard for me to segregate it sometimes.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Because it’s related to the mindset I have with a lot of my life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
98% of my wardrobe is thrifted/vintage/handmade/second-hand.
Because it’s one of the ways I can be more sustainable and ethically conscious in my life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you’ve never watched the documentary The True Cost, about the fast fashion industry, I highly recommend it. It’s something that changed my entire perspective on shopping and buying clothing when I first watched it a few years ago.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Knowing where what you buy comes from and how the people who made it were treated is something we are not encouraged to think about in our society as a whole. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You are casting a vote every time you spend a dollar for the type of world you want.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What businesses/individuals you support, whether it’s when buying groceries or the restaurant you frequent or where you purchase a pair of jeans. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our economy in the US is hurting in a lot of ways, but a way that would absolutely help it is to shop locally more, and support the individuals in your community which in turn allows for a strengthening and unity across the board.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
My mindset with my clothing is one I have in many areas of my life though.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Buying less and taking care of what you have and being a good steward of what you own.
Of not feeding into excessive consumerism.
Finding that which has been cast off and giving it a new home.
Appreciating that which already exists.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The things we own have stories.
That shirt I wore when hiking up that mountain.
That pair of jeans I wore the first time I travelled out of the country alone.
The bag that carried all of my stuff when I hopped on a bus upstate for the first time.
That dress I wore when I met that guy.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It’s fun imagining the past stories of these pieces intersecting with the current stories of our lives and giving them a purposed future vs. a wasteful end.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

—— P R I N T S A L E ——
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Last year I drove across the United States and back for the first time. And despite having traveled all across this country for much of my life, I fell in love with it in an entirely new way that I have been unable to shake since then. It was because of that trip that I finally set out to live more long-term on The Road like I'd dreamed of for years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
During those 59 days I left my digital camera in the bag and did not pull it out once.
An odd thing for a photographer.
Instead, I shot 34 rolls of film.
Today I'm sharing a handful of prints from my journey.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Each represents a moment on The Road that spoke to me and fueled the insatiable drive I have to do what I'm doing now with living on The Road as I have been these last nine months.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
They all have soul in them in a way that I cannot translate fully in words, but I do speak about each image a bit so tap forward in the story to see them all and to read about each one and where it was captured.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
—————●—————
Each print is 5 x 7
With a white border $25 shipped
—————●—————
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Send me a message to inquire about purchasing!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
See all the prints in my Instagram story.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The community and support I've found on here over the years means the world to me and is such a huge facet for how I'm able to do what I do. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So thank you.
With all of my heart.
You're helping make my dreams a reality and giving me the ability to chase after the stories I feel drawn to tell as a photojournalist.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Because I chose a life of freedom, I refuse to live a life of fear.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
● ● ● ●
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I feel like I talk about this a lot, but nearly every day I am asked by strangers and friends alike, because I am a woman traveling alone— aren’t you afraid?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And I always say no.
Because for a while that really was true.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But after thinking about it, I realized: I am afraid.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of living a stagnant life.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of not creating and putting meaningful things into the world.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of having regrets for all of the things I wished I’d done.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of the risks I wasn’t brave enough to take.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of living small when I was meant to live large.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of settling for less than I deserve.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of compromising on my dreams.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of normalcy.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m afraid of not listening to that voice inside of me that always leads me to the most meaningful and impactful seasons of my life even though they are usually the hardest and most challenging ones.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We are not called to be like the world, rather otherworldly, because we have the cosmos and a celestial creator inside of us.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Why would we ever be afraid when we come from that kind of origin?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

August sluggishly falls off the calendar to make way for September. The heat hangs in the air and clings to your brain and limbs, slowing everything down— freezing productivity in time.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Shed the malaise that you accepted into your day.
You have the ability to let it go.
To choose to see the day as the gift that it is.

You will never get to do this day over, so do it well.

You get to decide your mood.
You get to place this feeling down in favor of different one.
Change course.
Smile, even if you don’t feel like it.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Unclench your fists so that there is space between your fingers.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Even the more painful things, the things that bring something more than grayness, perhaps a deep black hardness.
That too can be let go.
That too can be placed aside.
Piece by piece.
Sometimes it will take longer (for the very nature of darker things is that it takes longer to lighten them) but the time is available to you, you only have to accept it.
Don’t let that thing add weight to your being and become a part of you. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You were made to be light.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Grow closer to yourself again, don’t let the dark bits get in the way and create a barrier.
don’t let past experiences destroy the future.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Don’t feed the dark because what you focus on grows in size and intensity.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
—————————————
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I wrote this in August of last year. I’d just come home from driving across the country and back for the first time and I was wrestling with being stationary again.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
All I wanted to do was leave. To be in motion. To be anywhere-but-there.
I’d poured gasoline on a thing inside of me that had merely been smoldering before then and I was unable to extinguish it with any amount of homey comforts or community.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I love my home, I love even more the people in it, but I wanted to be back on The Road.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Much of the four and a half months that passed between coming back and leaving again were spent gathering courage to do the thing I am doing now, after years of dreaming of it, but also and possibly more importantly, to hold gratitude and contentment for exactly now.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Practicing that again today.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Blue Moon has done it again. 🚙
Driven across the country, from East Coast to West Coast for the second time in as many years.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Accidentally took eight months to do it this time. But all of the stops along the way were part of the journey and plan since, well, when I left Virginia in December there wasn’t really much of a plan.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I can’t believe I’m typing that actually. I am floored at the speed with which this year has flown by.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I know it seems silly to have such an attachment to an inanimate object, but this car means the world to me. She’s been my home and an anchor of sorts amidst so much motion and unknown out here on The Road. Every time I park and leave her for a few days I feel a kind of homesickness for her.
She’s been a way for me to chase my dreams and tell stories that feel meaningful and light driven. There’s been so much purpose and inspiration in the rotation of these wheels.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
(Of course she’s a she—as the #daughterofasailor this is my proverbial ship after all and The Road our never ending voyage)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
There are countless people I’ve met and experiences I’ve had this year that have truly changed my life and become a part of my narrative in ways that I can’t imagine being without now.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Taking my time driving up the PCH over the next few days. If I’m being honest the coast is the only part of California I like. I’ve tried to love inland but as soon as I lose sight of the water I’d rather be somewhere else...
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Falling asleep to the sound of the Pacific tonight and knowing the sun and moon will exchange watch over the sky, as they always do, in the ever rotational pull of the routined cosmos.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And I will lay here, content, in between—East of The Sun and West of The Moon.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
———— ☼☽ ————
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

C A T E G O R I E S

Writings From A Would Be Beatnik
Artists In Film
Spaces In Film
The Knitting Queen
Photography
Travel
Slow Living
Art
Business
Folkling

N E W S L E T T E R

A R C H I V E

———☽ ———