i wrote the following on January 1st 2016.
they were words i never ended up sharing. i think because i was still figuring out what they meant for me and what it would tangibly mean to live them out. looking back, i realize now that this is what most of my 2016 was about.
i think we are as a whole always becoming, we never arrive. if we have, it implies a staleness. a lack of growing. we should always be growing. we’re like trees in that way. even if we aren’t growing upwards, we’re growing outwards.
so last year was, indeed, a year of becoming.
as i announced the new website launch the other day, i now finally feel able to fully explain the reason i'm switching gears with my business.
because i have a renovated platform, in this website, that lays things out more clearly and genuinely and authentically to who i am and what i do.
i also am now finally on the other side of knowing what i want that to look like.
i'm going to share more specifics about this in a later post, but i think it's important to lay out the why first.
i’ve learned the importance of publicly sharing certain things after you are on the other side of them, after your healing and okay-ness and figuring-out no longer are dependent on others reactions to what you’re sharing.
so, with all of that being said, please continue reading to understand where my heart has been at this past year.
this is extremely important.
something i want to discuss openly.
something i want to encourage others to seek out in their own lives, using their own experiences for perspective.
that being said, i also want to preface this with saying that this is a deeply personal post for me.
it's one i sort of all-at-once wrote and didn't even fully realize i was feeling and thinking as a whole until it all got out there.
i’ve mentioned bits and pieces of the following to a couple of people in my life, but to have all of this out in once place for anyone and everyone to see is somewhat a scary thing. i am actually quite a private person in nature, despite my brand and business as a whole being a large part of who i am and therefor public.
what's more, i have a horrible tendency to be rather prideful. to admit any sort of wrong, fault or lack is quite hard for me.
however, i’ve felt something foreign in me, these last few months especially, that i wasn't able to put my finger on until now. until i wrote all of this. until i tried to put this all together as a cohesive thought and communicate it to you, as a reader.
it ended up actually communicating something to me instead.
which is: i need a new perspective.
i talk a lot about my love for list making, goal setting and generally being in a constant state of learning.
this is possibly because i didn't go to college and so, with the exception of high school, i’ve never been made to learn things i didn't care about or have any interest in.
learning has rarely been a have-to or forced upon me.
as a result, i am constantly fascinated by new ideas, foreign cultures, different religions, involved hobbies, things and experiences i’ve never heard of/tried/seen/done. this amounts to an endless compilation of possibilities in the way of entertainment and wonder for me.
i truly am a person that is able and willing to talk about virtually anything because i’m genuinely fascinated by the things that people are passionate about.
the passion part is the key for me though.
if someone's excited about something, i want to know why and how.
also i find it's important, even if you don't agree with a certain idea or perspective, to learn about it. to understand why people believe what they do, where they're coming from, how they arrived at their conclusion.
what it is that a person ascribes to, whether it be thought, action or belief.
both to solidify your own understanding and conviction and to be open to a change of mind and new way of thinking when it's needed (remember what i said earlier about us being like trees).
and so after much thought today, on this first day of a new year, i’ve decided to make that a focus of mine in 2016.
in the aforementioned ways but also in a few newer ways that were revealed to me in 2015.
sustainable and ethical living.
what’s more, i want to do something with my life to help people find those things.
because i think they're important.
i really do.
i am by no means an expert on any of those subjects, but i’m trying to be intentional about seeking what living in those ways looks like and in what ways i need to educate myself and grow as an individual and a business owner.
not to say what i’m currently doing with my photography and knitting can't teach or inspire some of those things for people, but i’ve been feeling this itching, restless, this-is-not-all-of-it sort of feeling for quite some time now that has me searching, moving, wanting to figure out what else there is that's missing from my life.
there's something more i was made to do.
i want to educate on the importance of living slow and sustainably.
to practice finding "the art of the every day", which has been a mantra of mine for a few years now.
i want to do that in and with my business.
it's not to say that i’m not passionate about knitting and photography anymore. but i've slipped into a place of finding my identity in those parts of me and it's gotten to a point where i have a hard time seeing past those two pieces of my make-up to the other smaller, or maybe even just-as-big, parts.
there's so much more to me than my business and what i do.
and what i find my identity in.
because i believe in a creator who molded me with His own hands, by which i mean that my life is purposed.
all of ours are.
but i need to walk in it.
knowing that regardless of my accomplishments, or lack thereof, my worth is pre-defined and outside of those things.
which isn’t how i’ve been living.
my tastes, interests and passions are always evolving.
as an artist. as an individual.
i want this space to be a place i can express and share that.
for whatever reason i’ve had this stiff regimented you-can-do-this-but-not-this sort of attitude with this space.
if i posted about a wedding, i had to post this many photos of it, if i wrote something it had to be on one of these topics, if i took photos i loved the day before, i couldn’t post them until i posted the ones from the week before.
which is silly.
i don’t even know where i got these rules other than from my own perfectionist, semi OCD, overly organized brain.
so in the new year i want to be more free with this space.
i want to write.
i want to share non work related photos.
i want to share late night thoughts and lifestyle moments.
i want to share photos from all of my travels from this past year. because there have been so many.
i want to urbex more.
i want to learn more about sustainable and slow living and do my best to pursue a lifestyle that reflects that.
these are things i'm passionate about. what's more is that i'm learning that that's okay to say.
additionally: i’m passionate about passionate people.
odd as that may sound… i am.
it's why i love working with other artists and shop owners. for there are fewer more passionate people than the artist, maker or small business owner. people who dedicate their lives to their craft, business or passions.
there’s no surefire way for me to be turned off and disconnected from another than by their expressing overall apathy.
i see so much of this in our culture. we do so much mindlessly, routinely, just-because. because it’s easy. because we’ve been sold the lie of it not mattering and we shouldn’t care.
do something. stand for something. i might not completely agree with what you do and what you stand for but, bordering on outright lies and injustice, i sure as hell will respect you more for at least caring enough to be a part of something.
please don't fall into the entrapment of apathy that our society has been so good at cleverly and attractively disguising.
i sense a rant beginning so i'll end here...
overall i just want to express my own personal need for a change in direction and in perspective, in multiple areas of my life.
i hope that as i seek out these translations, in my business especially, that i am able to act them out effectively and with love.
and i hope you will give me grace as i figure that out.
thank you for reading friends, as always.