Thoughts

Life In Balance

in

So while perusing my blog drafts earlier this week, I came across this one from March of last year.... I'm not sure why I never got around to posting it but while the content is technically dated, I don't think the message is.
So, here you go.
Happy Sunday friends.
I hope you don't push those important things to the bottom of your lists.

"I think so often it's the things that we push to the bottom of our lists that should really be a lot closer to the top." -Siobahnn Watts

I felt as though this post written by the lovely Siobann over at Bless The Weather was just an expression of thoughts I've had myself over these last few months. 
I could try to sum it up more but really you should just go over and read it for yourself. 
Re prioritizing. Such a constant and ever changing thing. 

Howl At The Moon

in

jump out into the water and feel alive

howl at the moon

don’t wear makeup and feel beautiful 

wear pants instead of a dress

be loud when everyone else is

be quiet when everyone else is

(don’t feel the need to be opposite all of the time)

dance with that boy just because you feel like it, it doesn’t have to mean something

 —another thing i wrote in june

Making It

in

you open a window. you make a fresh pot of coffee. you put a record on. you don’t feel altogether sluggish and out of place.

old joy coming back. finally.

or something along those lines.

because sometimes you have to fake it until you make it.

here’s to making it. 

— a thing i wrote in june

An Unblocking

in

and i wrote and wrote and wrote.
with the rain coming down, pattering on the fire escape and ac unit outside my window.
i had all these thoughts. thoughts i hadn't given space, allowance or room to be expressed.
and now they were rushing, bursting, running, spilling out.
raining thoughts. thoughts of rain.
my borrowed turned stolen tea grew cold as my fingers flew across the keyboard(s).

The Block

in

i’ve had a bit of a case of writers block lately. 

in truth, “lately” has lasted a few months.
i feel and think in immeasurable amounts that i want to express and convey but every time i try to, there seems to be nothing there.
i think the block has been in the way of more than just writing though.
i’ve tried talking about it with various people. i’ve tried working it out in my head. i’ve tried working it out out loud. 
i’m not all the way sure what it is.
i have bits and pieces here and there, but all around there just seems to be this barrier that’s preventing me from being my true self all of the time.

i hesitated writing that sentence, and do you know why? because i care.
i care what people think.
i didn’t used to, but somehow, somewhere, i picked up that little nasty habit and i’ve had a hell of a time shaking it.

writing that sentence was hard too, admitting that out loud, in defined black and white terms, was hard.
maybe that's the first step to getting past the block though.

i wrote the above some time ago. and since then i have been doing better. but there is still something there.
still something that’s been inhibiting me from just… being. 

false expectations?
failed endeavors?
fearful wonderings?
shame? fear? doubt?

such horrible cousins, all, those last three.
i’ve heard it said that fear and anger seem to intensify as they leave the body.
i feel those intensities. 
but i think they are in fact on their way out. 
i see the light that’s at the end of the tunnel.
i’m running toward it.

Who Are They?

in

so often when we think of “them” and “they” we’re really just talking about one person.
what will they think, i can’t do this because of them.
why is it that the opinion of one is masked as that of many in our minds?
is it so that we can justify our fears and insecurities?
that the fear of what a mass of people will think of us is more valid and understandable than the fear of just one?

why do we allow that sort of fear to hinder us to the point of changing our make-up, our being, our natural tendencies, idiosyncrasies and this-is-me’s?

why do we allow the thoughts we have of them distract us from telling our story? 
from sharing our journeys?

for why else have we gone through those trials and errors and high times and low times and accomplishments and setbacks... if not to share them?