You Don’t Tell The Ocean To Behave

being emotional is not a bad thing, it's what we do with those emotions that has potential for disaster.
i have been told countless times that i feel too deeply, too intensely.
that i am irrational. crazy. ridiculous. sensitive.
that i over share and am overly vulnerable.
i'm too much of any one emotion or feeling.

i will warrant that i have been all of those things at certain times, when i've reacted poorly to my emotions.
but to say that every time i feel something deeply is abnormal and something that should be suppressed-denied-retstrained... that's not right.
god created me as this being who has these emotions inside of her.
sometimes one at a time.
sometimes all at once. 
and that's a beautiful thing. 
i think a lot more of us were created to be that way than the world allows for, or than we let on.

we should not suppress-deny-restrain that.
because girl or boy: we are emotional creatures.

the following words are from Eve Ensler's TED Talk and I find them so profoundly moving.
my friend also wrote a post about this with some very wonderful thoughts that i encourage you to read as well.
//

I love being a girl.

I can feel what you’re feeling

as you’re feeling it inside

the feeling

before.

I am an emotional creature.

Things do not come to me

as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.

They pulse through my organs and legs

and burn up my ears.

I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off

even though she appears to give you what

you want.

I know when a storm is coming.

I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.

I can tell you he won’t call back.

It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.

I love that I do not take things lightly.

Everything is intense to me.

The way I walk in the street.

The way my mother wakes me up.

The way I hear bad news.

The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.

I am connected to everything and everyone.

I was born like that.

Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a

teenage thing

or it’s only only because I’m a girl.

These feelings make me better.

They make me ready.

They make me present.

They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.

There is a particular way of knowing.

It’s like the older women somehow forgot.

I rejoice that it’s still in my body.

I know when the coconut’s about to fall.

I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.

I know my father isn’t coming back.

That no one’s prepared for the fire.

I know that lipstick means

more than show.

I know that boys feel super-insecure

and so-called terrorists are made, not born.

I know that one kiss can take

away all my decision-making ability

and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.

It’s a girl thing.

What we would all be

if the big door inside us flew open.

Don’t tell me not to cry.

To calm it down

Not to be so extreme

To be reasonable.

I am an emotional creature.

It’s how the earth got made.

How the wind continues to pollinate.

You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean

to behave.

I am an emotional creature.

Why would you want to shut me down

or turn me off?

I am your remaining memory.

I am connecting you to your source.

Nothing’s been diluted.

Nothing’s leaked out.

I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside

of the feelings in you,

even if it stops my life

even if it hurts too much

or takes me off track

even if it breaks my heart.

It makes me responsible.

I am an emotional

I am an emotional, devotional,

incandotional, creature.

And I love, hear me,

I love love love

being a girl.

a b c

letters of note.
small and unassuming.
lower case.
times new roman. 
typecast.
characters.

 

Where You Came From

we stood there in the kitchen, the kitchen of a house whose interior resembled that of a boat's.
(in which case it would be more accurate to say we were in the galley.) 
toasting to the knuckles, not the glass, because that's how sailors do it.
and with time worn eyes he looked at me and said:

"i'll never forget, i was worried about something one day and my mother said to me: 'well... never forget who you are and where you came from.'"

such simple and straightforward words. 
and yet, they were words i knew i would hold onto for some time to come. 
words that would center me, when i was feeling uncentered.
as we are all apt to feel from time to time. 

Home

i recommend listening to this song as you read, for it embodies the feelings of the following words almost exactly for me.

i came across this post again recently and was almost tearing up at the feelings that these words evoked.
home.
how blessed i am to have a place to call that. 
several places actually.
a place to not only call that, but to feel that in. 
comfort. 
contentment. 

the all-is-right-in-the-world knowing that can only come in a structure that is all-yours or all-theirs and you know all the intimate corners of.
and it, in turn, knows you intimately as well. 
for it is the sole, constant, witness to your comings and goings, your ups and your downs, your triumphs and trials.
it is nothing if not vigilant in that way. unconditionally welcoming you into it day after day, night after night, offering protection and safety from the outside world whenever you need it.

i moved into my very own all-by-myself humble abode last year and it's been something that's truly shaped me as a person and an artist in ways i didn't know were possible. 
the contentment i feel in living this new kind of independent lifestyle is overwhelming at times.
i love my home, my space, almost more than anywhere else in the world.
it's mine. i'm solely responsible for the ability to stay here, maintain it, keep it a good and happy space and I absolutely love that. it's funny how your priorities change during different seasons of your life. i feel as though last year it was more so along the lines of saving as much money as i could so that i could travel and see as much of the world as i could. and it's not that traveling isn't still a priority for me, it definitely is, but more prevalent for me in this season is being able to have this place i call home. and as a result that doesn't allow for as much money for traveling. 
which i'm honestly okay with.
because i've discovered this is something necessary for me to thrive and be the best version of myself in this current season. and i've also learned to come to terms with that and not apologize for it, to myself or others.
(not apologizing for things is another topic i will write about another day...)

i hope you have one place, if not several, you are able to call home.
how precious a space to call by that name really and truly is.

this is a place where i don't feel alone,
this is a place where i feel at home.

The Girl With Two Homes

i feel like my home is here.

i feel like my home is there.

close and far i feel at home.

i presently am here and you presently are there. 

either/or i call it home.

here is familiar, and so is there.

near and away i feel at home.

Hurt

i am so sorry that this hurts. that that hurts.

but the fact of the matter is there will always be hurt.

there will always be something easy enough to find, in or around us, that will cause us to curl up in attempts to protect ourselves from the quick-sharp-pain. from the slow-burning-fire. there will always be something trying to snatch us away from present joys and contentment.

but, truly, you have the power to not let this present hurt, this current i-don’t-think-i-can-handle-this, crush you. to not snuff you out. 

you’re strong.
you were born with a light in you that no darkness can extinguish, if you recognize it, embrace it. 
take a hold of it and own it.  

know that hurting people hurt people.
know that you are more than this present situation.
this situation does not define you.
this hurt won’t last forever.
there will always be hurt, but there won’t always be this hurt.

wake up tomorrow knowing that there’s better things out there.  
that you may be broken now but that you will be whole again soon.
the night may be filled with weeping, but joy comes with the morning.

Small Resolves

these are small resolves, resolutions if you will, for my personal health and well being. 
small, seemingly insignificant all on their own, but quite important and essential when all grouped together.
sharing as always to help further accountability, inspiration and encouragement. 
if you have a few bits of resolve of your own, write them down. keep them. share them. 


i resolve to always keep books on the bedside table. so as to have more important and tangible rectangles to reach for other than my phone come late night awakenings or early morning arisings

i resolve to keep predominantly fresh/whole/good food in my pantry and fridge so as to nourish and keep my body healthy

i resolve to keep my phone tucked away, not in my hand, as often as possible

i resolve to walk more without an end destination

i resolve to leave emails unopened until i can respond to them

i resolve to practice more patience, especially with people

i resolve to call more and text less

i resolve to say the nice things i think about people out loud more often

i resolve to not say the not nice things i think about people more often

i resolve to think more than twice before i buy something non essential

i resolve to regularly question what's essential

i resolve to write more

i resolve to unapologetically listen to this song as many times as i want to in a day since it's been that way since basically october and i'm just going to embrace it at this point

i resolve to say hello more than i say goodbye

//

feeling oh-so-good about you 2016. 
and we're only a week in.

Flyaway Home

flyaway home
for the winter
to the south
flyaway home
with your all dark inside mouth
flyaway home
over the land above the sea
flyaway home
near-far-gone from me

That Voice

a mid-morning revelation:

that voice will call you home when you realize no other will truly lead you there.

however, you're only capabale of hearing that voice if you're being still enough to listen for it.

Slow Living

Slow Living.

It's a term that's been on my mind often over this past year.
It's part of the dream I am working on.
What does it mean?
For me it's...

Having the ability to naturally wake up early in the morning and going about my morning routine unrushed

Taking the time to make myself meals from whole and fresh foods that come from the ground and not packages

Reading a book while I eat lunch instead of looking at a screen

Reading a book while waiting somewhere

Reading a book before bed

Reading books  

Walking or biking to the grocery store instead of driving

Caring for plants (and crossing my black thumbs while doing so)

Lighting candles

Taking time for myself

Taking time for others

Writing letters instead of texting

Dropping everything to go sailing if the weather, and the sailor who's daughter I am, calls for it

Taking a bath instead of a shower

Going on a walk with no destination in mind

Spending time with those I care about in more spontaneous and unscheduled ways

Doing things on purpose

Spending less

Owning Less

Turning over that record instead of hitting the next button on Spotify

Delegating and not having to wear so many hats

Taking time to meditate and pray

Lying in the grass and enjoying the weather

Running in the rain and enjoying the weather

Enjoying the weather

......

Essentially, it's taking the time to enjoy life's gifts in the various, often over looked, forms they take. Even when they require extra steps. Even when they require more time. Even when there's a to do list hanging over my head. 
Because it's a healthier way of living.

What does slow living mean for you?