i always think of you when i see magnolias.
and rosemary.
and figs.
and sometimes pine needles.
i’m happy that there are such beautiful things in nature that are tied to you in my heart and mind.
Thoughts
Transparent
trans·par·ent
transˈperənt/
adjective
adjective: transparent
- (of a material or article) allowing light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen.
"transparent blue water"
i want to be that.
i want to be transparent.
because that’s what i want to be a vessel of:
l i g h t
This Is The Time Once Again
i came across this writing again recently that i wrote in october of last year.
it resonated with my soul in such a real way i wanted to re-share it.
This Is The Time
this is the time in which you'll be split down the middle on things. in a sentence: it’s a transition from i-believe-this-because-you-do to i-believe-this-because-i-do.
this is the time in which your opinions and beliefs are traveling from the side of blind following to hard earned opened eyed searching and seeing for yourself. which will sometimes entail a fight-for-it-even-when-it’s-hard believing. this is the in-between moment of those two times.
be okay with that.
you'll end up on the other side eventually.
this is the time in which you'll curl up under your covers late at night in the dark and have a three hour transatlantic phone conversation with your best friend. a conversation about what love is.
something will shift in your understanding during that conversation.
don't let go of it.
this is the time when you'll realize it's far more important to look people in the eye and offer them your hand, than it is to be comfortable.
this is the time in which you'll understand, finally, why it is you do the things you do and how you are the way you are. but what's more than just understanding it, you'll love it. you'll love yourself. fully.
this is the time in which you'll finally realize that, really, no one else gives a damn and so you shouldn't either.
this is the time in which you'll realize there's a secret club. that you're the head of it. that everyone, in fact, has their own secret club. and what's terribly important and sacred is the people you choose to let into it.
but in the same vein: don't be close minded and overly selective about who you let in.
this is the time in which you will be told it will be okay.
this is also the time in which you will actually believe it.
Enroute
and so this then is my realization.
to know oneself is something.
but to know oneself with another is something else entirely altogether.
and what is more, a farther reaching wonder, is that in the grasping for this true unshakable knowledge, a necessity in this life, is whether or not this is a knowing you can achieve before you’re with someone.
or if it’s something that you aren’t able to truly know, truly learn, truly grasp, until you are tested and tried by the during-process-enroute of being with someone.
We Too
i wonder if we love plants so much because we too come from the earth.
Featured | Somerset Life Magazine
I posted this on Instagram a few weeks ago, but forgot to do so for all of you lovely people who follow me here on the blog, but I also had some additional thoughts that I wanted to express.
I had the privilege of writing an article on one of my favorite subjects -- slow living -- for Somerset Living Magazine's Autumn issue!
I've had the honor of being featured and asked to write and present my other artistic work in many capacities before now, but I think this is truly my first fully paid freelance writing gig.
It feels really good to be compensated for my work in that way.
Writing has been a life long love of mine, I've been an avid journal-er and diary keeper ever since the age of eight, and I've also had this blog going on seven years now.
However I feel as though it wasn't until about two years ago that I really started to fully explore my art of writing.
The way in which I express my thoughts, in a purely vulnerable unplugged way, in the voice that is uniquely mine, has been such a freeing and revelutionary thing for me. It seems so simple, but the words I put out into the world up until that break-through point, were so edited. So limited. So much less and smaller than what their origins offered.
To offer up an art form to the world is one thing, and often enough in the mere doing and execution of it. At least for me. Because much of what I put into the world in that way is for just me.
But to have that action recognized by others as valuable, while an unnecessary validation, is regardless an appreciated and welcome one.
So I want to thank all of the people especially who have encouraged that voice and this pursuit of mine and have expressed value and gleaned insight from my words.
I write for myself, but I also write for you.
Thank you.
You can pick up an issue online here or at Barnes & Noble, Joann Fabrics, or wherever magazines are sold.
A Goodbye I Never Sent
a goodbye i never sent
you were a faithful home away from home.
thank you for the ferrying of my heart into and out of it's ever changing seasons.
you were always there, constant.
i grew to know myself, and the world i live in, in ways i'm not sure i would have otherwise.
thank you for that gentle allowance and space for discovering those long ago washed up things.
i will miss you always.
The Journey
The Journey by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver's work has been popping up in my life a lot lately. A friend recently mentioned this poem and after reading it, and loving it, I looked up an analysis which helped me love it even more.
I hope you are staying strong in your journey friend.
That you are brave enough to not only recognize it's direction, but brave enough to walk it.
At Twenty Five
i felt as though my twenty fourth year was one filled with more growth than i've ever experienced.
i know i felt similarly about twenty three, though not necessarily so in regards to my earlier twenties.
in comparison, having reached the first mark of the "mid twenties", i feel like I can truly say that this past year has been even more so immensely stretching and challenging in ways i wasn't aware were possible. i wrote about a lot of those things on here which, in past years, i would never even have come close to sharing or being vulnerable about.
however, i've learned the opposite of pride is vulnerability.
essentially saying: t h i s i s w h o i a m
which, in it's essence, is a lesson that ties together all of the others i've learned.
it's one i've become braver and louder about proclaiming.
in contemplating the things i'm bringing into twenty five, the list was very very long... but most of what came to mind was actually referenced in past blog posts.
so, i decided to essentially sum up the majority of the biggest and most important posts from my thoughts category here on the blog and summarize my year's growth that way.
if you care to read more on the below thoughts, just click the links to read the original posts.
a t t w e n t y f i v e
the importance of small just-right things.
the importance of shopping small --- a topic that has taken root in my heart so deeply, especially this past year. please read this post if you read any. another related thought is to grow in what it looks like to not stand above reaching down to those less fortunate, but stand beside them hand in hand.
that voice will call you home when you realize no other will truly lead you there.
the art of slow living --- which has been such a huge aspect and shift in not only my business but my lifestyle day-to-day. i'm very excited for the related topics that i will be sharing more in line with this in the upcoming year. (also read my article that was published in this issue of somerset life magazine to learn more)
creativity is often in the presence of fear. and sometimes constraints bring about creativity.
to never forget who you are and where you came from.
really and truly in the most real way imaginable for the first time ever, how valuable home is. and that sometimes there's more than one. and how even in their familiarity, there are constantly new revelations about them.
there will always be hurt. but you were born with a light in you that no darkness can extinguish.
small resolves speak volumes.
what to do when you're overwhelmed and spreading yourself too thin.
books will always be one of the most important things to me. making time for reading should always remain a priority.
the extreme importance of solitude. another post i strongly encourage you to read if you read any at all....
you don't tell the ocean to behave. #dontbehave
how to just be.
identify who they are and why it is that the opinion of one is masked as that of many in our minds.
what perfectionism truly is and the lies it tells us when we choose to listen to it. and that imperfections are not inadequacies
to practice courage.
a conscious practicing of awareness and appreciation is in order to not take that which is comfortable and familiar for granted. it's a kind of latitude. where you orient yourself in relation to your experiences and how you choose to let them affect you.
how to make it.
how to begin getting past a block.
some unfinished thoughts can often help complete others.
what acceptance looks like. and how i feel most beautiful in the morning.
i am uncomfortable with other women degrading their beauty in the wake of my own.
how valuable it is to find and hold onto the people who feel like us. and recognizing it. a kind of recognition.
oh, and also how to do a headstand.
Recognition
there are people in and out of our lives.
some we dislike.
some we like.
some we love.
and then, even further, some we recognize.
those individuals often evoke all of the above reactions from us but, a step further, we know something more about them.
they're our people.
the people we find who feel like us.
the ones who we notice a similarity, a bond, a kinsmanship within that ties together your souls -occasionally for a season, but more often- for a lifetime.
the people we recognize are the ones who are ours and we are theirs.
not in the sense of physical ownership, but more so in a deeper spiritual sense of bother-sister-hood and accountability.
only a select few are we fortunate enough to find in our lifetime.
but once we find them, it's not just a natural state to fall into recognition with them.
it's a choice.
for the human condition is one that involves us being intrinsically selfish creatures. unchecked we are self absorbed, inwardly focused and often narcissistic.
doing life with people, fully and whole heartedly, is uncomfortable.
if we choose to be so intentional, it often results in hard lessons and tough questions asked.
and it's often these noble few we recognize who are able to challenge us on this. pull us out of that inward absorption, and are the only ones we might listen to in fact when it comes to having our eyes opened to the error of our ways.
and so that is what i mean when i say that it is a choice.
it is a choice because relationships are not easy.
it is a choice because we have faults, as do others.
it is a choice because we have the freedom to choose.
so if you have people like that in your life, i do so hope that you choose to recognize them.
i was recently told by someone three times my age, how they wished that they had known the importance of those people, those once-in-a-lifetime friends, when they were my age.
and i realized that i have that realization.
this has been a very particular season in which i'm significantly grateful for being able to recognize who those people are in my life and, what's more, have the honor of doing life whole heartedly with them.
i only hope i can continue doing so and that i can help bring to them a similar measure of joy, love and awakening that they've brought to me.